Often when we talk about grief, it's framed around death - the death of a loved one or even people we don't know. While death may be a dominant framing of grief, understandably, as humans, as living creatures, there are many scenarios or experiences of loss that can manifest grief. Let's explore some of them.
The loss of a pet or a plant
Our connections with animals and plants can be incredibly profound and deep. Symptoms of grief around the loss of a pet or a beloved plant can be impactful. Whether your pet left home and never returned or passed away, whether your favorite houseplant that you talked to and snag to everyday wilted and never recovered, these are losses. Maybe you went through a divorce or a break-up and had to let go of a pet. I have heard many experiences of grief around these types of losses, sometimes they can manifest as more impactful than human losses.
The loss of a relationship
Connections to people are vital to our existence. The loss of a relationship, whether romantic, family, friend, coworker, etc. can bring up grief for many of us. Romantic break-ups, separations and divorces are common subjects when talking about grief and loss but losing a relationship to a close friend can be hard too. Maybe you lost your job or got relocated or moved or maybe a coworker did and now your relationship to that coworker is not the same. Maybe you are estranged from a family member or all family members - this can impact many of us, especially queer and trans folks.
The loss of a role
Our personal, cultural, and professional roles can play a big part in our identities. When one of these roles shifts, the change can be difficult. For example, perhaps you were married for years and your spouse just died. Not only might you be dealing with that grief, you may also be dealing with the grief of now being a widow. Or, maybe you had a job in role you felt proud of or felt comfortable in and now suddenly, the company closed down or there were layoffs and you are no longer the person in that role at that company. Not only can we be impacted by the loss of our own roles, but we can also be impacted by the loss and shift of roles of other people in our lives.
Belief changes
Often in politics, spirituality, or values, our beliefs can shift and change over time. While this is a common experience in life, we may experience grief over the shift. A change in our political beliefs might cause us to reexamine other beliefs. A change in spiritual beliefs might cause us to lose spiritual community or even non-spiritual community. Changes in any of these areas can also cause others to suddenly distrust us or feel like they don't know who we are.
Changes in ability or diagnosis
As a disabled, chronically ill and mentally ill person, changes in ability and diagnosis are always hard for me. Even if a change in ability is a "positive" shift, you can experience grief from how your body or mind used to be. Diagnosis changes can be a big deal too. You may have identified as a person with a certain diagnosis and if that changes, it can lead to grief as you move into a person with a new diagnosis.
The loss of a job or income
While grief may not be the first thing you think of when it comes to losing a job or an income, aside from any potential financial stress, grief from losing relationships to people you live with, your daily routine, your ability to support yourself or have a disposable income, and a number of other losses can come up. For some of us, our identities are directly tied up into what we do for a job which is another avenue for potential grief.
Aging and fertility changes
Because Western culture does not value older ages as much as it values youth, and as a result, does not offer adequate care and support to seniors, aging can be a huge cause of grief. This can affect physical or cognitive ability, autonomy and agency, feelings of things not yet done or experiences not yet had, shame and guilt over a lived life, and more. While changes in fertility can happen in many different ages, and is not exclusive to aging, many of the same effects can occur when a change in fertility happens.
Moving, relocating or losing a home
Like many of these topics, this could be its own post. Moving or relocating for whatever reason can be impactful for the person moving but also the community they are moving away from AND the community they are moving into. Losing a home, in all of its various meanings, can be traumatic and bring up grief in terms of stability, roots, a place of rest, access to shelter, financial impacts, relational impacts and more.
Community, cultural or collective trauma
I am saving this one for last because many of the other forms of loss above can fall under community, cultural or collective trauma. And still, witnessing or living through genocide or war, witnessing or living through racism or any other oppressions, or witnessing and living through climate change and global warming are all examples of community, cultural or collective trauma and loss that can trigger grief.
This list is by no means exhaustive. There are plenty of other life changes and loss that can trigger grief. Also, if you have experienced any of these changes or losses and didn't experience grief, that's absolutely ok. There is no judgement in grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve or not grieve.
If you are grieving a loss or a life change, I have a list of over 75 grief resources that I am adding to often. Bookmark it and share it with those that might need it. If you need more personalized care about grief, as a death doula and grief worker, I offer grief and loss support services on a sliding scale.
Lastly, if you thought of or have experienced another life change or loss that can trigger grief, tell us about it in the comments below. Thank you for reading, dear one.
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